The Evermoving Passage of Time and the Moments that Come With It

 

Last night I watched a movie called Blue with one of the most important people in my life. It's a rather slow, quiet movie, focusing on the blossoming relationship between two school girls and the pain and hardships that come with it. It doesn't do any speculator scenes, it's a lot of just small, quiet moments, as the girls talk about whatever, slowly falling for each other and loving the smaller moments that come with it. Watching this movie was life changing for me, never have I felt so seen in a film before. I've mentioned in previous posts before, but love is an important subject to me, especially with the smaller moments, and Blue understands this so well. It's not the big moments that stick out to me, it's those tinier, more gentle and quiet moments that stick in my heart the loudest. Whether it be cuddling on a couch laughing at whatever dumb movie is on the TV, or walking around a Walmart pointing at the Lego sets we want before choosing and going home to build one together. Going to the movies a little too early, sitting right near the entrance and talking about whatever comes to mind as we wait for the film to start. Going to sleep together in call, waking up to each other's voices, feeling like we're right next to each other, instead of miles away across the country. I've had so many moments like this throughout my life, so many tiny memories you think wouldn't stick out, but instead burn brightly inside my heart, echoing the eternal yearning I feel every single moment. These moments don't last forever though, eventually things end, and only the memories stick around. I've lost so many people in my life, yet everyday they echo in my mind as a quiet reflection, a motivation to keep pushing forward. I frequently sit back and think on those tiny moments so so much, yearning for them again, begging, pleading for them to return. Browsing old messages and smiling as tears fall down my face as I recall every single moment spent with them. Waking up each day hoping to see a little message from them, hoping they return, hoping things can be okay again. Friends, lovers, family, I've lost so much from so many different circumstances, and the aching feeling in my heart never goes away. I understand that not everything is meant to last, I know deep down that they won't ever return, but I keep begging and screaming for something to change, Praying that someone returns and makes things right again, no matter how impossibly low. Desperately wishing to turn back time and live in those moments again, pleading to whoever I can hoping to go back and be in their arms again. Blue takes these feelings of yearning, these feelings of pain, of love and loss, and shows the full beauty of them for it's two hour runtime. I've seen many movies in my life, yet none has truly hit me as hard as this, none has truly lingered in my mind as much as Blue has. If this movie sounds interesting at all, no matter how small that interests is, please give it a watch, you can find it free on Youtube even. It is a beautiful film, one that I will always hold close to my heart, and one I think everyone should see at least once. I love you even to this day, and I'll keep moving forward, waiting for the chance of your return. Thank you so so so much. I will always love you the most.